As we all know, holidays can be exciting but also stressful– especially with young kids! 
This week we’re talking all about tantrums. Why do kids tend to act out more during the holidays? And most importantly, what can parents do to help prevent those dreaded tantrums? 

ASK AN EXPERT: Tantrums during the holiday season

Mariel Benjamin is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 15 years of experience at Mount Sinai Medical Center working with families and children. She’s also the Director of Groups at Cooper: Cooper Parenting Groups provide personalized and practical solutions to navigate the everyday parenting challenges. 

–

What do parents need to know about tantrums? What are they and what causes them? 

Tantrums are developmentally appropriate. They come from a combination of weak skills and big feelings. Strong wills and weak skills meet in a tantrum. It’s a child saying: “I want to have control in some area and I can’t, so I tantrum.” 

Why are the holidays such a trigger? 

There are so many reasons, but the one that is most surprising is that YOU are stressed. 

If you’re stressed because you’re entertaining or going to be with a family member that you don’t like, your kids pick up on that. So EVERYONE gets stressed. 

Makes sense! Plus, there’s a lot of new stuff going on? 

Yes, the schedules are off. Kids aren’t in daycare how they would normally be. You’re not at work how you’d normally be. Unstructured time is hard. 

Also, there are a lot of expectations going into it. For example, some parents think that kids can just adjust to sleeping somewhere different, or smoothly meet a lot of new relatives. You might bring your kids to an event and it’s too loud and they can’t handle it. 

So what’s the best way to prevent a tantrum in this type of environment? 

You can try to think about the things that tend to trigger your individual child and try to avoid them. The number one is hungry and tired. Hangry is a real thing.

And the best approach if your kid starts to lose it? 

The most important thing is that you have to be calm. You can’t help a dysregulated person become regulated if YOU are dysregulated, because as social creatures we regulate according to the people around us. Say to yourself– there’s only room here for one person to have a tantrum. 

You can also make your body available. Say, “I’m here. I know you’re upset, I’m here if you need a hug.” 

A big thank you to Cooper and Mariel for chatting with us. In our next edition, Mariel has more tips for preventing tantrums and gives her take on “gentle parenting.”