This week, we’re talking once again about toddler sleep with certified sleep consultant Kristen Jacob. She has great advice on how to handle toddler procrastination at bedtime. 

ASK AN EXPERT: What to do when toddlers procrastinate at bedtime

We sat down with Kristen Jacob, a certified pediatric sleep consultant. For more sleep help, you can check out her Instagram page and website. 

–

Let’s get right back into it. When it’s time to transition from a crib to a big kid bed, do you recommend a transitional toddler bed first or just go straight to the bigger bed?  

I really don’t think it matters. It’s whatever works for you. If you’re ultimately going to move them to something that isn’t a twin bed, you may as well start there because why should you double-spend on a bed.  

Toddler bedtime can be difficult, especially when they transition out of the crib. Any advice? 

It’s all about setting expectations. Often we make these transitions and we don’t talk about what it SHOULD look like with our kids. And because of that, we’re just expecting them to know the things that we know. Like– Just because you CAN get out of bed doesn’t mean you should get out of bed, you should stay in your bed and sleep because sleep is good for our health. 

How do you recommend communicating that expectation? 

So tell them that you’re transitioning them to a big kid bed. Tell them how exciting this is and what your expectations are of them being in that bed: “We’re transitioning you to this big girl bed because you’re a big girl now… you’re going to be a big sister…. You’re turning four… And I want you to stay in bed all night like the big girl that you are because I know that you can do it.” 

What’s the best way to respond if they still try to procrastinate? 

Toddlers are notorious for the “1 more 1 more 1 more.” It happened at our house last night– 

“I don’t want these blue socks, I want the orange socks.” So we put the orange socks on and now we’re crying hysterically because we want the blue socks. 

So the more frequently you let those things happen, the more likely it will happen. Because you give a toddler an inch and they’ll take a mile. So by changing the frame of thought and not giving in to the “one more” is where you’ll see the difference, and that boils down to consistency. 

Easier said than done! How do you stay consistent? 

When you say it’s time for bed, it’s time for bed. 

Any request that comes beyond that time you can say “I’ll address that in the morning. We can get you the blue socks in the morning. We can have another sip of water in the morning.” 

This way you’re not completely disregarding their comments to you because they’re little and they have these opinions that they think matter– and they do. So we don’t want to completely brush them off. But we want to set expectations that we’re continually putting them back in and telling them we can do it in the morning. 

But then you can’t give in. You have to follow through. 

Because as soon as you give into the “mommy lay with me” once, that will be the new normal. 

How do you know what to take seriously and what not to take seriously? If your kid is thirsty, it’s hard to say they can’t have water. How do you know what’s real and what’s not? 

Check for things to become a pattern. There are plenty of things out there like “I’m cold, I want water” that are probably not valid, not real things. 

Then there are the visible things that a lot of kids do, like forcing themselves to pee or poop, or vomit. And that’s totally normal to get parents back into the room. So if those things are happening, definitely address them. 

I would go in, prepare in advance if it’s becoming common, and have a second set of pajamas ready to go. Then go in and create very little interaction. No coddling. Just say, “Let’s get you in new pajamas, and then we’ll go right back to bed.” So take care of the situation but don’t change the outcome. Don’t let it change the expectations. So no matter what’s happening we’re getting right back into bed.