This week, we’re talking once again about toddler sleep with certified sleep consultant Kristen Jacob. 

ASK AN EXPERT: Bedtime with Toddlers

We sat down with Kristen Jacob, a certified pediatric sleep consultant. For more sleep help, you can check out her Instagram page and website. 

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Is there a general rule of thumb as to how long bedtime should take?  

It’s really what works best for your family. And that’s whatever you can commit to doing every night. There are families who are looking to kill time and a two-hour bedtime routine will do it. There are families who just want the bare minimum of a routine. 

So pick something that will work for you, set that expectation, and do it. So– “Tonight we’re doing three books. And that’s it.” 

Any recommendations on how to find the right amount of books etc? 

You can design the bedtime routine with your child. “We’ll go upstairs and read books. We can read 2, 3, or 4 books every night. How many do you want to read? We can read those books but then we won’t have time to do anything else. Is that ok with you?”  

So it’s walking through step by step and involving them so they feel like they have a say in the process. And never deviating from that routine. Because tonight it’s one more book and tomorrow it’s two more books. And then it’s three more books. So you have to stay very very regimented to their schedule. 

I know you also recommend using a chart– how does that work? 

Some kids need something more visual, like a bedtime chart, here you’re physically checking off things as you go to symbolize you are done and moving on to the next step. 

You can also use timers. So it’s not about how many books we’re going to read but how long we’re doing it for. So I’m going to set this timer and when it goes off we’re done reading books.

What happens when the inevitable temper tantrum happens? 

If this is happening during the bedtime routine we tell our daughter, “You might be too tired to read books so we’ll just jump straight to bedtime.” 

Do you accept that there may be tears at a certain point? 

There probably will be because they’re not getting their way. But the tears are happening because on every other occasion, they’ve gotten their way and now they’re not. So this is their way of acting out in a last-ditch effort to get their way. Kids need to be ok with hearing no. 

How do you feel about locks on doors? 

I personally really like them. And it’s not from a sleep training perspective. It boils down to a safety perspective. Parents say– “Well they always walk straight to my room.” But what about when they don’t walk straight to your room? Nobody needs a toddler walking around the house in the middle of the night unsupervised. 

There are plenty of parents who don’t want to use them and that’s ok. But you need to be more firm with your expectations. Because you need to know they’ll come out of their room because they can. 

Kristen also has some great advice in this blog post all about toddler sleep. You can also connect with her on Instagram and her website.